Van Helsing's Memorandum
5 November, afternoon
I am at least sane.
Thank God for that mercy at all events, though the proving it has been dreadful.
When I left Madam Mina sleeping within the Holy circle, I took my way to the castle.
The blacksmith hammer which I took in the carriage from Veresti was useful, though
the doors were all open I broke them off the rusty hinges, lest some ill intent
or ill chance should close them, so that being entered I might not get out. Jonathan's
bitter experience served me here. By memory of his diary I found my way to the
old chapel, for I knew that here my work lay. The air was oppressive. It seemed
as if there was some sulphurous fume, which at times made me dizzy. Either there
was a roaring in my ears or I heard afar off the howl of wolves. Then I bethought
me of my dear Madam Mina, and I was in terrible plight. The dilemma had me between
Her, I had not dare to take into this place, but left safe from
the Vampire in that Holy circle. And yet even there would be the wolf! I resolve
me that my work lay here, and that as to the wolves we must submit, if it were
God's will. At any rate it was only death and freedom beyond. So did I choose
for her. Had it but been for myself the choice had been easy, the maw of the wolf
were better to rest in than the grave of the Vampire! So I make my choice to go
on with my work.
I knew that there were at least three graves to find, graves
that are inhabit. So I search, and search, and I find one of them. She lay in
her Vampire sleep, so full of life and voluptuous beauty that I shudder as though
I have come to do murder. Ah, I doubt not that in the old time, when such things
were, many a man who set forth to do such a task as mine, found at the last his
heart fail him, and then his nerve. So he delay, and delay, and delay, till the
mere beauty and the fascination of the wanton Undead have hypnotize him. And he
remain on and on, till sunset come, and the Vampire sleep be over. Then the beautiful
eyes of the fair woman open and look love, and the voluptuous mouth present to
a kiss, and the man is weak. And there remain one more victim in the Vampire fold.
One more to swell the grim and grisly ranks of the Undead! . . .
some fascination, surely, when I am moved by the mere presence of such an one,
even lying as she lay in a tomb fretted with age and heavy with the dust of centuries,
though there be that horrid odour such as the lairs of the Count have had. Yes,
I was moved. I, Van Helsing, with all my purpose and with my motive for hate.
I was moved to a yearning for delay which seemed to paralyze my faculties and
to clog my very soul. It may have been that the need of natural sleep, and the
strange oppression of the air were beginning to overcome me. Certain it was that
I was lapsing into sleep, the open eyed sleep of one who yields to a sweet fascination,
when there came through the snow-stilled air a long, low wail, so full of woe
and pity that it woke me like the sound of a clarion. For it was the voice of
my dear Madam Mina that I heard.
Then I braced myself again to my horrid
task, and found by wrenching away tomb tops one other of the sisters, the other
dark one. I dared not pause to look on her as I had on her sister, lest once more
I should begin to be enthrall. But I go on searching until, presently, I find
in a high great tomb as if made to one much beloved that other fair sister which,
like Jonathan I had seen to gather herself out of the atoms of the mist. She was
so fair to look on, so radiantly beautiful, so exquisitely voluptuous, that the
very instinct of man in me, which calls some of my sex to love and to protect
one of hers, made my head whirl with new emotion. But God be thanked, that soul
wail of my dear Madam Mina had not died out of my ears. And, before the spell
could be wrought further upon me, I had nerved myself to my wild work. By this
time I had searched all the tombs in the chapel, so far as I could tell. And as
there had been only three of these Undead phantoms around us in the night, I took
it that there were no more of active Undead existent. There was one great tomb
more lordly than all the rest. Huge it was, and nobly proportioned. On it was
but one word.
This then was the Undead home of the King
Vampire, to whom so many more were due. Its emptiness spoke eloquent to make certain
what I knew. Before I began to restore these women to their dead selves through
my awful work, I laid in Dracula's tomb some of the Wafer, and so banished him
from it, Undead, for ever.
Then began my terrible task, and I dreaded it.
Had it been but one, it had been easy, comparative. But three! To begin twice
more after I had been through a deed of horror. For it was terrible with the sweet
Miss Lucy, what would it not be with these strange ones who had survived through
centuries, and who had been strengthened by the passing of the years. Who would,
if they could, have fought for their foul lives . . .
Oh, my friend John,
but it was butcher work. Had I not been nerved by thoughts of other dead, and
of the living over whom hung such a pall of fear, I could not have gone on. I
tremble and tremble even yet, though till all was over, God be thanked, my nerve
did stand. Had I not seen the repose in the first place, and the gladness that
stole over it just ere the final dissolution came, as realization that the soul
had been won, I could not have gone further with my butchery. I could not have
endured the horrid screeching as the stake drove home, the plunging of writhing
form, and lips of bloody foam. I should have fled in terror and left my work undone.
But it is over! And the poor souls, I can pity them now and weep, as I think of
them placid each in her full sleep of death for a short moment ere fading. For,
friend John, hardly had my knife severed the head of each, before the whole body
began to melt away and crumble into its native dust, as though the death that
should have come centuries ago had at last assert himself and say at once and
loud, "I am here!"
Before I left the castle I so fixed its entrances
that never more can the Count enter there Undead.
When I stepped into the
circle where Madam Mina slept, she woke from her sleep and, seeing me, cried out
in pain that I had endured too much.
"Come!" she said, "come
away from this awful place! Let us go to meet my husband who is, I know, coming
towards us." She was looking thin and pale and weak. But her eyes were pure
and glowed with fervour. I was glad to see her paleness and her illness, for my
mind was full of the fresh horror of that ruddy vampire sleep.
And so with
trust and hope, and yet full of fear, we go eastward to meet our friends, and
him, whom Madam Mina tell me that she know are coming to meet us.