Memorandum
by
Abraham Van Helsing5 November, morning Let me be accurate
in everything, for though you and I have seen some strange things together, you
may at the first think that I, Van Helsing, am mad. That the many horrors and
the so long strain on nerves has at the last turn my brain. All yesterday
we travel, always getting closer to the mountains, and moving into a more and
more wild and desert land. There are great, frowning precipices and much falling
water, and Nature seem to have held sometime her carnival. Madam Mina still sleep
and sleep. And though I did have hunger and appeased it, I could not waken her,
even for food. I began to fear that the fatal spell of the place was upon her,
tainted as she is with that Vampire baptism. "Well," said I to myself,
"if it be that she sleep all the day, it shall also be that I do not sleep
at night." As we travel on the rough road, for a road of an ancient and imperfect
kind there was, I held down my head and slept. Again I waked with a sense
of guilt and of time passed, and found Madam Mina still sleeping, and the sun
low down. But all was indeed changed. The frowning mountains seemed further away,
and we were near the top of a steep rising hill, on summit of which was such a
castle as Jonathan tell of in his diary. At once I exulted and feared. For now,
for good or ill, the end was near. I woke Madam Mina, and again tried to
hypnotize her, but alas! unavailing till too late. Then, ere the great dark came
upon us, for even after down sun the heavens reflected the gone sun on the snow,
and all was for a time in a great twilight. I took out the horses and fed them
in what shelter I could. Then I make a fire, and near it I make Madam Mina, now
awake and more charming than ever, sit comfortable amid her rugs. I got ready
food, but she would not eat, simply saying that she had not hunger. I did not
press her, knowing her unavailingness. But I myself eat, for I must needs now
be strong for all. Then, with the fear on me of what might be, I drew a ring so
big for her comfort, round where Madam Mina sat. And over the ring I passed some
of the wafer, and I broke it fine so that all was well guarded. She sat still
all the time, so still as one dead. And she grew whiter and even whiter till the
snow was not more pale, and no word she said. But when I drew near, she clung
to me, and I could know that the poor soul shook her from head to feet with a
tremor that was pain to feel. I said to her presently, when she had grown
more quiet, "Will you not come over to the fire?" for I wished to make
a test of what she could. She rose obedient, but when she have made a step she
stopped, and stood as one stricken. "Why not go on?" I asked.
She shook her head, and coming back, sat down in her place. Then, looking at me
with open eyes, as of one waked from sleep, she said simply, "I cannot!"
and remained silent. I rejoiced, for I knew that what she could not, none of those
that we dreaded could. Though there might be danger to her body, yet her soul
was safe! Presently the horses began to scream, and tore at their tethers
till I came to them and quieted them. When they did feel my hands on them, they
whinnied low as in joy, and licked at my hands and were quiet for a time. Many
times through the night did I come to them, till it arrive to the cold hour when
all nature is at lowest, and every time my coming was with quiet of them. In the
cold hour the fire began to die, and I was about stepping forth to replenish it,
for now the snow came in flying sweeps and with it a chill mist. Even in the dark
there was a light of some kind, as there ever is over snow, and it seemed as though
the snow flurries and the wreaths of mist took shape as of women with trailing
garments. All was in dead, grim silence only that the horses whinnied and cowered,
as if in terror of the worst. I began to fear, horrible fears. But then came to
me the sense of safety in that ring wherein I stood. I began too, to think that
my imaginings were of the night, and the gloom, and the unrest that I have gone
through, and all the terrible anxiety. It was as though my memories of all Jonathan's
horrid experience were befooling me. For the snow flakes and the mist began to
wheel and circle round, till I could get as though a shadowy glimpse of those
women that would have kissed him. And then the horses cowered lower and lower,
and moaned in terror as men do in pain. Even the madness of fright was not to
them, so that they could break away. I feared for my dear Madam Mina when these
weird figures drew near and circled round. I looked at her, but she sat calm,
and smiled at me. When I would have stepped to the fire to replenish it, she caught
me and held me back, and whispered, like a voice that one hears in a dream, so
low it was. "No! No! Do not go without. Here you are safe!" I
turned to her, and looking in her eyes said, "But you? It is for you that
I fear!" Whereat she laughed, a laugh low and unreal, and said, "Fear
for me! Why fear for me? None safer in all the world from them than I am,"
and as I wondered at the meaning of her words, a puff of wind made the flame leap
up, and I see the red scar on her forehead. Then, alas! I knew. Did I not, I would
soon have learned, for the wheeling figures of mist and snow came closer, but
keeping ever without the Holy circle. Then they began to materialize till, if
God have not taken away my reason, for I saw it through my eyes. There were before
me in actual flesh the same three women that Jonathan saw in the room, when they
would have kissed his throat. I knew the swaying round forms, the bright hard
eyes, the white teeth, the ruddy colour, the voluptuous lips. They smiled ever
at poor dear Madam Mina. And as their laugh came through the silence of the night,
they twined their arms and pointed to her, and said in those so sweet tingling
tones that Jonathan said were of the intolerable sweetness of the water glasses,
"Come, sister. Come to us. Come!" In fear I turned to my poor
Madam Mina, and my heart with gladness leapt like flame. For oh! the terror in
her sweet eyes, the repulsion, the horror, told a story to my heart that was all
of hope. God be thanked she was not, yet, of them. I seized some of the firewood
which was by me, and holding out some of the Wafer, advanced on them towards the
fire. They drew back before me, and laughed their low horrid laugh. I fed the
fire, and feared them not. For I knew that we were safe within the ring, which
she could not leave no more than they could enter. The horses had ceased to moan,
and lay still on the ground. The snow fell on them softly, and they grew whiter.
I knew that there was for the poor beasts no more of terror. And so we remained
till the red of the dawn began to fall through the snow gloom. I was desolate
and afraid, and full of woe and terror. But when that beautiful sun began to climb
the horizon life was to me again. At the first coming of the dawn the horrid figures
melted in the whirling mist and snow. The wreaths of transparent gloom moved away
towards the castle, and were lost. Instinctively, with the dawn coming,
I turned to Madam Mina, intending to hypnotize her. But she lay in a deep and
sudden sleep, from which I could not wake her. I tried to hypnotize through her
sleep, but she made no response, none at all, and the day broke. I fear yet to
stir. I have made my fire and have seen the horses, they are all dead. Today I
have much to do here, and I keep waiting till the sun is up high. For there may
be places where I must go, where that sunlight, though snow and mist obscure it,
will be to me a safety. I will strengthen me with breakfast, and then I
will do my terrible work. Madam Mina still sleeps, and God be thanked! She is
calm in her sleep . . . |
